The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

sometimes you just gotta say "wtf"


No real reason for this, other than I realize that I don't blog much because, well, my life is as boring as the shitty state I live in. So, I am going to throw out some random thoughts for you on this lovely Wednesday.

1) The son of a bitch who beat his daughter with a baseball bat has been deemed competent to stand trial after he tried to claim insanity for the attack that killed his 20 year old daughter. "But, officer, I always keep cellophane wrapped around my baseball bats and wear surgical gloves when I go hit a few balls in the backyard!"

2) The cops in this place still suck hardcore ass. This means you, Oxford and Oakland County idiots. Found out that the Pontiac Police Department has been dissolved and they will now have to depend on Oakland County Sheriffs too. Pontiac...you are fucked.

3) You can already feel Autumn in the air. Leaves are already falling and that crappy humidity has dropped below 100000000000000000000% for the first time in a long time. Dry heat, please.

4) I was asked back to the school I worked at last year. Either I didn't piss off people for doing their jobs as much as I thought I did, or no one else wants do lower themselves to pumping ketchup for a living.

5) Just when you think your family is completely fraked up, you learn that the fraked up-ness goes way deeper. I'll explain when it is safe. No...seriously...it *isn't* safe right now.... How is that for cryptic?

6) I feel this incredible need to bake and decorate. Only a few problems: I am incredibly fat and broke and live in a town with the cultural aesthetic of flour.

7) NO MORE REMAKES FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!!! No "Dirty Dancing", no "Fright Night", no "Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark"! Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Timberlake to take the part of Johnny Castle?? Timberlake is a beanpole and Swayze was a god! AAARRRGGHH!!!

8) Oh, and Hollywood? SHOVE YOUR FRAKING 3-D MOVIES UP YOUR ASSES!!!!!!!!!

9) Movie reviews made easy, on scale of one to five zombies moans, 5 being best:

~"Beastly", 5 moans
~"Battle Los Angeles", 4 moans
~"Rango", 3.5 moans
~"Green Hornet", 2 moans
~"Tangled", 5 moans
~"The Dilemma", 4 moans
~"Hall Pass", 3.5 moans
~"Paranormal Activity 2", -40000000000 moans...yes, negative.
~"Exte: Hair Extensions" (Japanese horror), 5 moans
~"The Rite", 4 moans

Waiting to see "Insidious". Now, I have had many friends say, "Oh my gosh! It was *terrifying*! I was sooo scared!" Yeah. I take that with a grain of salt just like when people around here say, "Oh my gosh! That food was *sooooo* spicy!" Here, water is spicy and "Casper" is considered a spine tingler.

Yeah, yeah, I'm snarky. I'm tired. Need to sleep and lose weight. Why can't both just happen at the same time??

So, yeah, sometimes you just gotta say "wtf"...and I do...often...just ask the kids...

Peace, Love and (did i just quote a tom cruise movie? i am screwed) Zombies \IiiI


8 comments:

Mejis said...

WHAT???? Justin Timberlake is playing Johnny Castle??? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! He's a total fugly dork!
I'm sick of all the remakes and everything being in 3D, too. What the hell is wrong with Hollywood?

By the way, you are NOT fat.

Lin said...

How the hell was not already following your awesome blog? Pfft...well this must change asap!

Totally agree with you on the remakes. Most of the suck so just stop!

The Frog Queen said...

Short and sweet movie reviews! Just the way I like 'em!

Thanks so much, always get a chuckle when I visit your blog.

Cheers!

bingsy said...

Is the title Miles from Risky Business?

Texan Zombie Goddess said...

Bingsy@ actually it was Joel lol

bingsy said...

Isn't it Miles that tells Joel, in the beginning, when he's trying to talk him into hiring a prostitute?

Great call, btw. I love that and am jealous I didn't write a blog post and title it that.

Texan Zombie Goddess said...

You are right lol!

Magaly Guerrero said...

For someone with such a "boring" life, you have a bunch of things to say m'luv. For instance, I want updates on the mega douche bag who beat up the girl. I also want to know more about the police department's suckiness. And my Piano Man say "No shit!" to your 3D movie comment. I didn't say anything because I have been rolling my eyes since the last 3D fiasco I wash. I can't even remember what it was; yes, that memorable.

And I LOVE your reviews.