cravings and winter blues (here there be f bombs)

This is a craving day, but not for food. I am suffering from a massive craving of the senses.

Last week *the week Michigan forgot and got warm for a moment, aka 52 degrees, a fucking heatwave here*, I was hit with a wall of homesickness. Yeah yeah, I've lived here for way too long a time, but my soul still flies off back to El Paso, to my loving desert and mountains, sometimes. That was when the cravings, ones that cannot be fulfilled by this shithole, hit me. Cravings like:

~~the scent of a Spring thunderstorm in the early evening

~~the feel of sunlight on my skin touched with a hint of chill as the sun rises

~~lavender on a warm breeze

~~birds chirping happily as they wander through the Lillies of the Valley in my yard

~~happiness

Unfortunately, all we have for the next month or two are near freezing temps and snow. While the rest of the world is defrosting and warming up, we are still under motherfucking snow. Snow snow fucking snow.

But I will find a way to smile.

The smile of someone who wants to go Voorhees on this godsawful bullshit, cow-tipping, colorless, boring, uncultured, white bread, tasteless state.

My over-the-hill birthday is next month. All I want is warmth from the big bright ball in the sky. Seriously. That's it. Just. some. warmth.

I want to be happy and content. My life is blessed beyond measure and good. I am not alone but I am lonely. I want certain people back home to talk to me but I know they are too busy for a needy bitch like me. I want my mom. I want my mom. I want my mom. I want to laugh and reminisce and say "Remember when?", like my husband and his family do. I want people to miss me the painful way I miss them.

I want to cry but I am mom and that is not allowed.

One good thing: even though I am still painfully obese, my hubs and oldest found a pretty shirt and bought it and it fits perfectly. It is a large with no x's attached. Now if only I went somewhere where I could wear it lol. It is wrong to dress up to do the dishes or scrub a toilet?

The same damned puppy that barked and whined when I would have had a chance to sleep in this morning is now asleep herself. Butthead.

My friend, the one who's church I sing at sometimes, wants to get the band the we worked with last year together again, a la Blues Brothers. I told him I was in if I get to be Elwood. I like Elwood. I'd make a good Elwood. We are on a mission from God...or...in my case...the Goddess too hehee.

I have to pee now and my coffee is cold.

Cold coffee that you didn't intend to be that way is really ucky.

So is peeing on the couch...

Peace, Love and (i want my mom) Zombies \IiiI