The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

reality bites


My name is Penny...

I watch reality t.v.

*Hi Penny!*

I get teased all the time because I watch reality t.v.  Real Housewives of Everywhere, Storage Wars, Bad Girls Club, Dog The Bounty Hunter (I secretly want to be Beth...she is such a badass), The Real L Word, etc etc etc.  I don't watch all Bachelor/Bachelorette or Survivor stuff...have to draw the line someplace lol.

I hate t.v. news.  Local, except for weather and traffic, any of the news talk show types like Today and Good Morning America.  I avoid that crap like the plague.


They make me hate *everything*, and I do mean *EVERYTHING*.  Myself, my country, other countries, shoes, mice, potted plants, you name it.

I love reality t.v. for an easy reason: I wanna be them.

I want to be the uber-rich socialite with perfect boobs, tiny body and unwrinkled skin sunning herself on the beach at San Tropez because I felt like hopping in my private jet that morning.  I want to "live outloud".  I want to be free and uninhibitated. (looked right in my head).

Don't make fun of me.  I know that they are the few and far between, but, admit it: you do too.  Don't lie.  Lying makes your twat hair fall out....

Instead, I am an at-home mom struggling to find a job with very little education, raising three kids in a boring, cultureless, ridiculously expensive state, fighting with my weight and the multiplying dust bunnies under the couch.  I have no close friends, and the only adult convo I get is either on FB or my husband when he gets home.  Last time I talked to another adult female?  Last Thursday.  For about five minutes.  When I found out I inadvertently fired myself from that pointless interpreter gig.

Maybe that last part is for the best.

Hey, a few good things: 1) I have been having particularly good hair days :).  I like that. 2) Got my new inhaler without having to make another $60 doctors' appointment.  3) Not talking to anyone has made it so that I haven't pissed any one off at all.  That is rare as hens' teeth these days lol.

Oh, and I sent that donation to the church in Ohio.  Made a really nice rosary.  Got an email back from the Father.

It said:


That was a let-down lol.  No "It is beautiful!", or "Wow! They are going to love this!"



I am sooooo under-appreciated!  Where are my accolades dammit lol????

*sigh* Okay, I'm done.  Basically.  Time to get the show on the road :)

Do you have *any* idea how strange it sounds when squirrels run across your roof???  A million tiny little feet, pounding above my head.

Maybe it's the new "The Birds".  It's "The Squirrels".

That creeps me out...

Squirrels have hands....


Peace, Love and (they are plotting to take over the world...or at least the backyard) Zombies \IiiI


Magaly Guerrero said...

The pink human-looking hands of squirrels have always fascinated me in a terrifying sort of way. No idea why.

I like my boobs, but I stay away from tanning them too much because, well, I might be the only brown-skinned girl prone to skin cancer. What a drag. I like most of of my body, but I'm lazy so I wish I was a bit less hairy. Gillette gets a lot of my income. It's not fair. But because the world is all about irony. I'm a hairy woman with a bald spot on the back of her head, near the nape of my neck. I mean, WTF?

So yes, we all want something, but at times we are all happy with ourselves, too. I don't care for my bald spot, but the why I got it has provided a few awesome stories. In you, I love whatever pushed you to make that rosary and send it to a church. If you were sun tanning your perfect boobs somewhere, someone would be missing a wonderful piece of art ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Butthead,
You have a close friend. And she really misses seeing you. She would love to get together. But her life seems to be falling apart.

And to be totally honest, this friend sees you as Beth. And loves that you actually do live you life out loud- well most of the time!

Don't let the world get to you the Zombie uprising could start tomorrow and you and I will be ready.

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Ugh! I hate reality t.v.! Hahaha! And I LOVE the news channels - ALL OF THEM!!! I just feel this need to stay informed of EVERYTHING that is going on in the world! It does stress me out but for some reason I still need to know!! You can laugh at me for being a news whore, its okay. :) And I totally get the under appreciated thing. I've made things for people and have gotten the same reaction and immediately start thinking of the all of the time I put in to it and vow never to make something for anyone ever again.. Until the next time.. ;) I hope you find a job soon. I know how it feels to have no adult conversation other than a spouse or the bill people. :/ - Loved this post. :)

Texan Zombie Goddess said...

Mags@ oh the irony of it all. And I only tan the top part of my bubbies, lest they one day look like anorexic beagles :).

Bzmom@ you know what I mean lol! Love you too and miss you more than you really can know.

Mimi@ you be news whore, I'll be reality whore, and together we can whore around :).