The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Saturday, July 21, 2012

things you never knew about me (and never asked to know)

I haven't posted in a while.  I've been dealing with a bit of depression and having demons come back to haunt me.  For fun, we will discuss a few things that you never knew about me...or asked...but that is besides the point...

Here we go...

1) I suffer from a few phobias.  Two to be specific.  One is nyctophobia, a fear of the dark.  Yeah, the Queen Texan Zombie Goddess, is afraid of the dark. Don't judge.  The other is tonsurephobia.  Yup...I have a huge fear of having my hair cut.

But for good reason...

When my family and I returned from Germany, I was 7 years old.  I had hair down to my butt.  (I have pics, but it is 2 in the morning...I ain't looking for them now lol).  We were driving through Florida for a reason I no longer remember.  It was hot and sticky, and I hated having my mom brush my hair.  So, in her loving wisdom, she had it cut. But not just cut, but C U T.  The only thing I truly remember was the beautician looking at my mom saying, "Are you SURE??" and her, in her sweet way, saying, "Cut it all off.  She deserves it."  It was SHORTY SHORT.  Not a bob, but a full out boy look.  I looked horrible.  Not just horrible, but H O R R I B L E.  I will put up the pics later, but it was NASTY!  Ever since then, I have been *terrified* of having my hair cut in any way.

2) I dislocated my neck when I was in the 6th grade.  Yeah, it is as painful as it sounds.  I dislocated my shoulder in the 5th grade simply sitting wrong in a, seriously.  My shoulder still hurts to this day.  The day I dislocated my neck will always be memorable.

I was practicing flips.  I was big into gymnastics, and my parents had left me home alone (as usual).  I got bored, and began doing flips over the couch.  One, after another, after another.  I was GOOD in my opinion.  Then, it happened.  I missed the couch.  I literally landed on my head.  Remember the girl in the Olympics many many years ago who did that and broke her neck?  I did the same.  I remember the crunchy sound my neck made when I landed. I just laid there for a moment, because I hurt and didn't know what happened.  I sat up...and realized I couldn't move my head.  It was stuck.  I was stuck looking to the left.  I could. not. move. my. head.  It hurt horribly.  I waited until my parents came home and they saw what happened.  Did they take me to the hospital?  Nope.  They said, "Oh well. You can go to school tomorrow and I will try to make you an appointment at the chiropractor in Las Cruces."  I went to bed with a DISLOCATED NECK!  I had to sit on the right side of the chair so I could see the teacher.  I went to school the next day WITH A DISLOCATED NECK!  I was driven from El Paso to Las Cruces WITH A DISLOCATED NECK!  I remember the chiropractor, Dr. Curry, looking at me, looking at my injury, then at my mom, saying "You left her like this??"  She said, "Yeah.  Why?"  He was shocked.  He had to put my neck...back in place.  It was horribly painful.  I cried.  A lot.  He actually put me in traction for 4 hours, hoping that his adjustment would work.  He told my mom I should go to the ER one way or the other to be checked out.  Instead, she took me home, and I went to school the next day.

I could have died.  Seriously.  But my parents didn't want to be bothered.

Scary, eh?

3) As much as I love horror and blood and violence in movies, my absolute favorite film of all time is "Somewhere In Time".  Romance.  I love romance.  I refuse to let it affect me, because if you don't have it, you don't like looking at it either.  I'm a softy deep down inside.  Bloody and gross, but soft :).

4)  I still suffer from bulimia to this day. Especially lately, trying to find a job, having a husband who is going bat shit crazy at work and I can't make it better, having the kids all up in my grill 24/7, etc, etc, etc.  Control.  It is all about control. I have none. It sucks.

5) I wish I didn't hate God.  Well, maybe I don't hate hate God...I just don't know where we stand anymore.  I want to embrace my wiccan-ness, but I am afraid to.  I want to embrace my Christianity, but I am afraid to. *sigh*.  I want to dive head first into a vat of chocolate and super spicy onion and chicken curry, but I am afraid to.

6)  I'd kill to be able to read all those ridiculous happy happy joy joy posts on FB, but I can't.  My bff is in love and happy again, and it makes. me. crazy. Don't get me wrong.  I am so very happy for her getting to move on in her life with a man who absolutely adores her.  As for me...well, I've been married for 20 years.  That new car smell is all dead and gone, so seeing that kissy smoochy feely crap makes me jealous as hell.  I want it again, so bad. C'est la vie I guess.

7)  I need sleep...desperately...but I never have 5 minutes to myself, even in the bathroom, so I stay up late, hoping that the kids will go to bed and hush up.  Ain't happened yet.  The hubs is blessed and gets to go Up North in 2 weeks to hang with friends, to breathe, have some quiet time.  I don't have that.  At all. I am so jealous I can taste it...and there is nothing I can do.  Arrgh!

Yeah, depressing.  That is what I am .  Depressing.  I know that this is a phase and it will pass. It needs to do it now lol!!!

Okay, I'm done bitching.  I think.  I swear, I will make my next post happy as hell!

Movie warning:

Are You Scared 2:  SUCKED on levels I cannot explain.  I took the bullet so you don't have to.  -1000000000000000 Zombie Moans

Til next time my friends,

Peace, Love and (i need sleep) Zombies \IiiI


Magaly Guerrero said...

I don't think you are bitching. On the contrary, I think--and I'm no expert, but I think it anyway--that sharing all this is brave and necessary for many reasons: 1) because it gets some of the nastiness out, even if just a tiny bit 2) sharing will let you see that your phobias aren't stupid. I know someone who has never learned how to drive because he is afraid of semi-trucks driving next to him (he has no foundation for the fear) 3) sharing shows you that you are not alone and encourages other people to share their own bits. You are not the only one who lives dying to do the thing that might damage their lives most; trust me, I know. And for some of us our urges are not as 'benign' as yours (yes, it is total suckage--I don't care if that is not a word lol)

And about God and Wiccan-ness, well... what can I say? At one point in my life I had too many questions that couldn't be answer by any organized spiritual path. I took many steps back and looked at them from afar, the distance made me realize that embracing a particular path didn't really matter, for the Divine knows exactly what lives within.

Hugs my dear friend. And you are not depressive, you are alive. And don't try to argue with this last bit, or I might let my urges take a hold of my control and allow myself to smack you on the back of the head. Like I said, not very benign ;-)

Texan Zombie Goddess said...

Wanna know something else?

I'm afraid of semi-trucks too lol. I hate driving next to them in any way. Didn't stop me from driving, but I get where your friend is coming from ;).

Thanks for putting up with me love.


Linda Wildenstein said...

I agree with is life and it does suck and you are brave to let it out. I'm 60 something and it has taken me many, many years to allow myself to be authentic. Before that I did because I had to....don't do what I did. Get it out, and when you can, let it go.
And about the parental abuse....I can say I understand. It keeps us trapped in feeling like we are undeserving and that ain't so Ms. Zombie. Take life, shake the shit out of it and live it....your way. Give it a go, you'll like it.
Oma Linda

suzanne smith said...

i am not a fan of semi trucks after I hydroplane almost under one. As for the religion cross roads I think everyone has been there just takes time and faith to find the right path. Depressed is part of life. Life is alot like a roller coaster you have your ups and downs...most of mine seems to be stuck in the stupid loops. I have yet to figure out how to have one that just goes straight...but at least I haven't wanted to bail out yet. I hope things start looking better for you hun.

Word of the wise avoid the zombie flick the descendants...totally sucks.

Carmen Esposito said...

I agree with all of the above. I remember trying to use the bathroom and the kids slipping sheets of paper under the door. It was anything from exams they had taken to parent consent forms. I couldn’t use the toilet in peace.

I’m divorced and didn’t make it to the 20 year mark but some of my friends have so I think I understand. My friend, Lorenzo, once told me (he’s married 25 years) that when he first married they made love – a lot. And after 25 years, they f*ck – a lot more; he says the difference is because they’re already secure in that they love each other. This keeps it going and he says that the occasional spanking in the bedroom also helps (he didn’t say but between you and me, I think he’s the one getting spanked).

Like I said, I’m divorced and I don’t have a boyfriend, not even an interested admirer. So when I see all these couples getting kissy-faced, I hate – a lot and mutter lots of nasty things about them under my breath!

Try not to label yourself when it comes to religion. Perhaps you’re a very spiritual person and that encompasses all religions. About the phobias – everyone fears something, so don’t worry. At least you have the courage to talk about it.

Mina said...

Oh honey, sometimes you gotta get this shit out. Don"t ever wait to be asked. Unleashed pain will fester like a wound...and it almost always takes a lot more than once to heal those nasty things.

As far as embracing anything, embrace yourself first. Divinity is always there and only wants for you to live whatever life is right for you. You know we are all just humans living in this physical world and doing the best we can. Hugs, sweetie.