The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Sunday, October 23, 2011

zombie middle finger awards (uber swearing for the squimish)

I am in a really really really bad mood. This weekend has totally sucked ass. To. Ta. Lly. I feel the need to throw around the zombie middle finger to a few special recepients. So, without further ado:

The First Zombie Middle Finger Awards Ceremony

Second runner up: the fucker who does 30 on the main roads but 60 down my street. I hope you hit a tree and are eaten by mutant bears.

First runner up: Whomever got the job was jumping through hoops for. That's right, I didn't get it. I have gone through a thousand reasons why:

I suck.
I really suck.
I am a piece of shit.
I super suck.

It is kinda hard to be your best on a one-on-one interview when a) you'd never know the teacher was the teacher until she was pointed out to you and b) you are told, in a special ed classroom, where routine is paramount, to just "hang out". Okay.

And, the winner of the today's Zombie Middle Finger Award is...........

*drum roll*

Parents who are complete fucking assholes. This award is shared by two inparticular.

Winner #1: the parent of my middle daughters' friend who told her, and I quote, "I will give you another chance to prove you aren't an immature little girl." Exsqueeze me motherfucker? When this bitchs' daughter got a bad grade last year, the mother actually *blamed my daughter for it*! Fat fucking old whore.

Winner #2: the parent of my oldests' friend who live in bumfucking Egypt, 40 minutes away. When you say, "Yes, stay here tonight, we will give you a ride home", then you fucking do it. You don't decide, "I'm not leaving my house. Fuck you." You are a goddamn motherfucking turd who's balls should be cut off and shoved up your ass.

So, there you go. At least I gave all y'all awards for your fucking assholeness.

Thanks for listening to my tirade. I am just feeling unbelievably low and shitty. And if anyone, anyone, tells me that it is no big deal, I will hunt you down and show you what the Queen Texan Zombie Goddess can do it her victims.

Y'all have a great week!!

Peace, Love and (fuck my life) Zombies \IiiI


Magaly Guerrero said...

Oh my freaking gods, I wrote a story a couple of weeks ago, about a guy whose balls and penis were cut up. The balls ended up on the floor, in front of were he bled to death, and his penis was shoved in his mouth.

This reminded me of that. Maybe I should change the guys name to That Parental Guy Who Didn't Give My Zombie Goddess' Daughter a Ride Home as Promised. Or Asshole, yep, Asshole would do too.

People suck sometimes, and we all need to vent about it; the alternative is putrid.

Anonymous said...

Oh, sucky suck suckfest all around! I'm a new visitor but I had to comment. I'm so sorry about the job. I actually stumbled across your site while doing a little pre-interview prep for a job I really want. I know how disappointed I'll be if things don't pan out, so I can imagine your pain.
Obviously whomever was in charge of hiring fell victim to a hungry rogue zombie, or mad cow diease. Either/or...he/she was brainless Hope things get better!

Texan Zombie Goddess said...

SusannahS@ what a horrible way for us to have to meet lol! I hope you took a wander around the rest of the blog to see I am not always so angry hehee. Good luck on your prep!

Mag@ I feel bad for yelling so much lol, and I love your name idea!

Lin said...

Holy shit balls those people all sound like major turds. They all deserved the awards, nicely done ;)

Anonymous said...

Parents are total assholes. A friend of mine's husband died from a car accident. He left behind 2 young children. Some kid said to my friend's second grader "I'm glad your dad died". Yup. School called the little fuckers parents and you would expect they would call my friend and offer their condolences and apologies. Nope. Fuckin assholes.