The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Thursday, November 11, 2010

dear teen me

Sandra over at Absolutely Narcissism put up an awesome post today. She wrote a letter to her 16 year old self and I thought it would be interesting to do. How often do we say, "If only I knew then what I know now"? Well, let's see just what that is....

1. Stop taking out your anger and pain on yourself. Pain isn't a good thing, nor does it look good on you. I know that you feel you have to bury your feelings so deep down inside so as to hide them from others taking advantage of them that sometimes you feel like you can't actually *feel* anything anymore. Cutting, punching and harming yourself is just as bad. Ask for help. Don't be afraid. The shit you are doing to yourself now will carry on into adulthood and believe me, that sucks. You are worthy of love, not pain. In years to come you will be loved beyond what you think is possible. Just wait.

2. Oh child. You think you are in love. You think you are going to marry this blazing loser. He will never amount to a damned thing, and when I say that, I mean that the asshole will be a school bus attendant at the age of 40. Whoopee do. You are blinded by the idea of someone loving you, but honey, this ain't love. Hitting you, talking down to you...that is not love. And that whole sex thing. Yeah, another bad idea. You will only do it once, but that is all it takes to change who you are. Just say no and heed your best friends' warning. She has told you a thousand times to dump his ass and you said, "No. I love him." She was right and you are wrong. Run child. Farking run! There is a world of men out there and one hot one is waiting for you!


3. Where do I start. Don't hate yourself. You are beautiful. Anorexia and Bulimia are going to destroy you. Okay, so when you graduate you will weigh 100 lbs. You are sick and going to get sicker. Look in the mirror and truly see yourself. The man you marry will love you top to bottom and everything in between. Enjoy food before it truly does begin to collect in nasty areas. Eat Whataburger at 2 a.m. and all the mexican food you can. One day you will live in places without both and then what will you have? Regret and not a decent enchilada to be found. You have an ass and boobs that women pay out the wazoo for!! Use em! Love them! Food is your friend!


4. You are not "the most stupid fucking bitch ever", no matter if those words come out of your father's mouth or not. Your shitster has no power over you at all. You will be given the opportunity in your early 30's to punch that bitch dead in the face. I know, you are a Christian, but even Christ got pissed off. DO IT!!! PUNCH THE SLUT!!!!! HIT HER HARD AND REPEATEDLY!!!! Trust me, it will make all the difference in the world!!

5. Your mother grew up in an odd way. She grew up a long long time ago. She is older than most moms. Hence the reason that she looks at life waaaay different than the rest of the world. Here are a few tips: Make-up is fun. Wear it. Grooming is good. Do it. You will have to shave your legs, even though your mother, who is carrying all the good Indian blood in her, will never have to shave once in her life. Acne wash is available to everyone, so screw the fact that your mom never had a pimple in her entire life, you will, and you need to take care of it. You will have cramps when you have your period. It is normal, I swear. No, a yeast infection is not the sign of a girl who sleeps around. It happens and is not indicative of a whore so, when you get the one and only one you will ever have, don't suffer for it. When your doctor ask your parents if you are eating because he is concerned with your rapid, dangerous weight loss and they say you eat all the time, it is because they are blind and stupid and completely self-absorbed. Do, though, remember to respect your body like your momma said and don't have sex (I refer back to #2).

6. Your choice of college majors. Um, no. Okay, get your degree in Sign Language because it is a fascinating and wonderful ability but, for the love of all things holy, DO SOMETHING MORE! Don't stop at an Associates. One day that will get you nothing. Continue on and get your Bachelors in Education. You don't have to just go to community college. Go to a big, real college. Go to UTEP. Hell, go to Northridge University like you always wanted and get your degree in Speech Pathology and Audiology. One day, when your daughters get into school and you have time to yourself again you will want to go out there and do something just for you. Get the piece of paper that will give you the chance to do that.

7. Last but not least, just enjoy life. Enjoy just being. You will get married very young. You will have babies. You will have a wonderful life, but you don't want to live in a world of "if only's". Grab life by the balls and run around screaming! Bottle of Cuervo in one hand and pack of Marlboros in the other! You have the entire world in front of you! GO FOR IT!!

*sigh*. If only that anorexic wall flower could hear this. But she is now older and wiser now and will keep on keeping on.

Now, where is the Cuervo and my lighter....

Peace, Love and (shoulda coulda woulda never done shit) Zombies \IiiI


Cogent Ascending said...

I would have told myself to smoke and drink more since it wouldn't be long until the healthy bug bit me and i quit at least one of these.

I would have told myself to enjoy the smoking more too since I miss it so much.

Penny said...

Cog@ 10000% agreed!