30 days of truth- day 3

Day 3- Something you need to forgive yourself for.

Holy moley. Where do I start??

I need forgive myself for not being with my parents when they passed away. When my mother died, Savannah, my 3rd daughter, was only 6 months old, and I had two more at home. Money was tight, and getting a plane ticket from Michigan to El Paso is not cheap. I was given the opportunity to
"talk" to her, tell her it was okay to go home, hoping to God that she heard me. Then, at midnight, not 4 hours later, I got the phone call telling me she had died. When my father died, I had actually made plans to go to New Mexico to see him just days prior. My shitster, my fathers' first mistake, err, daughter, told me that it just wasn't a good idea, so I said okay. The enviroment surrounding her was nasty and volatile, and since he was no longer in El Paso, I would have one to help me if I were attacked by his other family. She loved sending me videos on the phone of him writhing in pain, talking to people who weren't there. One day she told me he was making improvements, and then, suddenly, he was gone. Just like that. Another fooking midnight phone call with these two words: He's gone.

I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. To say, "I love you". It sucks. My mother has been gone for 9 years, my father for 4. All I have left of them are a rumtopf my mom and I bought in Germany and some photos. Everything else was stolen, sold or destroyed by the shitster and her family.

Do I need to forgive myself for being a shitty daughter?

I'm thinking:

yes.

Peace, Love and (please forgive me) Zombies \IiiI