The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

the what not meme

(not personal the ether)

People are always giving advice on what NOT to do in this situation and that situation. I’ve had it with the know-it-alls this week. I’m switching it up.
It’s your turn to be the expert. Answer what NOT to do in the following situations.
It’s your spin on potential societal blunders (and a few quirky scenarios you might find yourself in). You didn't think I'd leave my quirk home now did ya?
Have at it.

What NOT To Do when you’re…..

1. On a first date: admit that your brother/sister is actually your uncle/aunt and ask if they'd like to go listen to some banjo music.

2. Intoxicated: Try to walk across the border between Mexico and the United States and declare yourself Russian. Military police aren't known for their sense of humor.

3. In the shower: use electronic devices, since there is even a warning against blow drying your hair when in the shower. You do realize that this means some genius actually *tried* and, apparently, failed at doing this. Bet he sued too.

4. At your ex’s wedding: Tell the new bride/groom that this means that they are now official members of the Plushy-Furry Club Of America, of which their new spouse is the president.

5. In jail: Say, "Hey, watch me put my feet behind my head!", or, while in the shower, "Don't worry, I'll pick up that soap for you!"

6. being stalked: nothing here...

7. Stuck to an igloo: build a fire to keep warm

8. In sewing class: See if you can stitch your name on your knuckles or the knuckles of your neighbor.

9. Asleep in a helium balloon: I had no idea one could fit oneself inside a helium balloon. This is a new one for me.

10. At a birthday party for twins: Ask them if they are related or say, "My gosh you two look alike!"

11. On a nude beach: Sell little penis hats so the men won't get their willies burned in the sun.

12. At the opera: Heckle the singers, telling them, "Dude! You are in America now! Sing in English already!!"

13. you’re falling in love: tell the potential future mate all about your past. After all, those charges were dropped when they couldn't find the body...

14. Low on gasoline in a bad part of town: tell those nice ladies on the corner that you are new in town and need some help.

15. Having a baby: Post the video on Youtube...yuck.

16. On fire: Run around saying, "Look, if I do it just right, I can write my name in the air!"

17. Lost at the mall: Wander into the wishing fountain looking for change to call home.

18. At a single’s dance: Ask potential partners if they have any extended family or a fear of confinement.

19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike: Just don't be there, period.

20. Driving your significant other's car: Wonder what it would be like to drive uphill with the parking brake on.

21. Being robbed at gunpoint: Inform the robber that he has the safety on.

22. Kissing: Inform the kissie that you've been on antibotics for that nasty infection you got from your tongue piercing, and the doctor says the oozing has stopped finally.

23. Paying the hotel cashier: Tell them that if the happen to find a finger under the bed, just throw it away. Your victim, err, friend, won't need it anymore.

24. Buying lingerie: Asking if the have anything to fit a Shetland pony who is a bit wide at the hips.

24. Commenting on a blog: Think that you are the most brilliant person in the world and that it is your job to make the blogger come over to your way of thinking.

Peace, Love and Zombies \IiiI


Sleepy Cat Hollow said...

I absolutely love the getting drunk and telling the border patrol you're Russian!

Thanks for the laugh!

Diosa Del Desierto Corazon said...

I was actually witness to a GI who did that one Friday night after getting wasted in Juarez lol. The MP did not find him amusing at all. The GI was detained and had to be picked up by the MP's from base the next morning. Love to have been a fly on the wall during that conversation between him and his commanding officer lol.

Cogent Ascending said...

I swear I just came online to find the nearest Jamba Juice to my house and yet here I am again ;p

What not to do when being chased by zombies: be the only white girl in the movie. They always fall down and somehow lose their bras at the same time giving the audience a fantastic shot of their knockers while their heads are being cracked open like fresh fruit.

LivingDeadNurse said...

lol little penis hats..sheesh love the pic of the zombie...that is awesome

Diosa Del Desierto Corazon said...

Cogent@ lots of Jamba Juicers end up's weird lol. In a zombie movie, I'd be the blonde with the big knockers. The only difference is that I would have on tennis shoes rather than 5 inch spike heels :). More like a Linnea Quigley character than a Pamela Anduhson character lol.

LDN@ I aims ta please lol.