The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Thursday, June 5, 2008

the mists of oxford

I just felt like sharing some pictures of my backyard, once again, only this time from deep in the heart and shrouded in morning mist. This mist is pretty, yes, but is a precursor for the horrid humidity yet to come in a world where people build cloverleaf on-and-off-ramps in a place that freezes solid for 8 months out of the year and build houses with no central air. It is pretty though...

Now for the famous photo tour. This is from the back door area next to the garage. Our lovely firepit that is where we will live on and off until some time in November...

This is the nonconspicuous entrance into the foresty labrinyth of trails and trees. Don goes through here every spring and reopens the paths for the girls and their friends, and occasionally, me, to go wandering through. It is very Tolkien-ish, especially on days like these, where you look for fairies floating around, or expect a hobbit to pop out at any minute. I've even considered putting in a "fairy door" some place just for the ambiance of it all.

Ten steps in you will find yourself here. The trails go off to the left, which take you a little further in and then back to our house, and right, which takes you into the heart of our little patch 'o forest and down to the lake.

This last picture shows the way back to the outer world of the backyard. It is hard to capture on camera, but it is pretty cool.

We do have a resident hawk that I could here screaming from high up in the trees but couldn't catch a glimpse of her. Bummer.

Yesterday, I finally went and had my eyes checked so I could get a new contact and glasses prescription. I have been far-sighted in one eye and near-sighted in the other for as long as I can remember. My right eye seems to be far more sensitive to the light, so I have spent at least 30 years of my life with my right eye shut, putting strain on the left and hence, creating problems for future vision and for my depth perception. Here is the funny part: my left eye, the one that is always open, seems to have gotten *better*, while the right, which is almost always shut, has gotten *worse*. Hmmm...there is a sermon in there some place...

How many people out there suffer from insomnia? Hands? Well, I have both of mine, plus my feet in the air on this one. I have majorly suffered from this ailment for over two years now, and I am at my wits end. My biggest problem is that I can 't shut down, literally can't stop *thinking*. It's like watching "Groundhog Day" where the same stuff happens over and over, except I can't change the outcome in the end. I have scenes from the last 5 or 6 years that just constantly run through my head. What-ifs and if-this-then-that, first going through what has happened, then three or four different ways that I wish said incident could have happened, over and over and over again. Every night. I was joking around with Don as I tucked him into bed of how jealous I was of the fact that in 10 minutes after I leave the room he would be snoring. He chuckled back and said, "Well, I don't have a guilty conscience!" He was kidding, I was kidding, but some place, deep inside me, that struck a chord, and I realized, maybe he is right. As much as I have put down and put down and put down the guilt of the last 6 years, albeit self-imposed in some ways, I still haven't put it down. Does that make sense? It kind of does for me, but I am awake with only 5 hours of broken sleep under my belt, so it is all as foggy as the world outside my door.

Time for more coffee and starting the self-therapy sessions I came up with last night while not sleeping. As much as I want to blog this little journey, I think I will kinda keep it to myself, save for a few out there who have been through it all with me. I know y'all are just shivering with antica.........pation.

I think a lot of prayer, a bit of journaling, and some killer sheep will be a good start to my road back to recovery. What do you think?

Ta loves



Lisa Quing said...

Your backyard is so pretty! I pray that your self-therapy works out well!

Anonymous said...

Hey now... better watch yourself- isn't
The Mist the name of Steven King latest? Hmmm... maybe it's not so Tolkien but more King?!!!

Okay... according to my Dr. when you can't stop replaying, you are suppose to think of a giant Stop sign-and stop the thought. Or so she told me- helps sometimes not tohers!