Thursday, March 29, 2012
you might be a bulimic/anorexic if....
You might be a bulimic if...
- you have the cleanest toilets of anyone you know
- you know what food come up the easiest. Grain-based foods like rice, popcorn, cake, etc., will get caught in your throat, while foods like fruits, vegetables and meats come up with no problem at all.
- you know what liquids will work best. Water, tea, soda and alcohol is best, while anything milk-based will turn the food in your stomach into glue.
- you go through more toothpaste than the average human.
- you plan the meals you eat by how close a toilet is to you.
- you can actually make yourself throw up without having to stick your finger down your throat.
- you know how to purge on "stealth mode", meaning that no matter how thin the walls are, no one will be able to hear you.
You might be an anorexic if...
- you know how to make people around you think you are eating with them while you are hiding all the food you chew in a napkin.
- you can mentally turn all food into moldy cowshit in your minds' eye, and convince yourself that that is exactly what it is.
- you can eat one thing and make it last all. day. long.
- the sick feeling that you get when you are starving is the most comforting feeling in the world.
I became anorexic my junior year of high school. My life at home was one of pain, lies and abuse. Before then, I ate the pain away. Then, one day, I just stopped eating. Stopped. I went from eating giant bowls full of mini marshmallows covered in butterscotch ice cream topping (no, really, I did), to eating a tootsie roll and a coke before Music Theory class and nothing else for days, and at times, weeks, on end. My parents watched my drop from 180 lbs. to less than 100 lbs. in one year, and told everyone that I was just fine...even after I passed out at the wheel and almost ran a red light coming home from classes one day.
I became a bulimic a short time after my youngest daughter was born. At this point, my father and mother had officially shunned me from the family after years of mental and verbal abuse, and replaced me with the shitster and her evil breeder. It was the only way to take control of an uncontrollable situation, at least in my eyes. I was breastfeeding at the time, so starvation was not an option. As ridiculous as it sounds, that is the way most addictions begin, whether it be an addiction to alcohol (done that), to prescription pills (done that too), anorexia (yeah, I'm one of them too) or anything else that is out there that you think will dull the pain.
Believe it or not, these things come in packages at times. One day, you will eat until bursting then get rid of it. The next day, you will feel horribly guilty for what you have done, and eat absolutely nothing to make up for it. Punishment begets punishment. These things are straight out of the mouth (no pun intended) of a bulimic/anorexic woman. Like any disease or addiction, once you have an eating disorder, you will always have one. You just learn how to tame the beast.
Thank God and Goddess I have a family that loves me, even through all my shit.
Peace, Love and (wonder what is for dinner) Zombies \IiiI