The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Monday, April 25, 2011

st. amway and the parawhore

Yesterday was Easter or, as I was calling it, Zombie Jesus Day. I believe in Jesus, but it's funny.

Anyhoo, my hubs informed me that we would be going to our local megachurch, Christ the King, because a friend of his wanted to introduce us to his family. Even though I like the hubs friend, my heart shriveled up. We've gone a few times. I tried to like it...so has he. I even tried joining some skits and whatnot. No matter what we did, we couldn't get past a few things:

1) The 2.5 hour service, complete with 45 minutes of spoken advertisements, video advertisements, shitty sermons and bad music.
2) The 60o people per service load.
3) The constant insulting of other beliefs. Not just saying "They believe different than us" but "They are wrong and they will go to hell" insults. (He went on a diatribe on how Ostara was a myth and no one in their right mind would believe in that)
4) The fact that at the end of every service, you will get a 15 minutes schpiel about passing out the churchs' business cards so more people will go to their church because the pastor thinks they need to grow more. Not the kingdom of God...his church itself.
5) He claimed the new Rob Bell book "Love Wins" was about universalism...like all the other lemming pastors who didn't even bother to actually *read* the book. Jackhole.

The place was *PACKED* on Sunday, which already put me on edge. It is always packed, but this was INSANE. We found a few seats waaaaaay in the back by the doors, and when we went to sit down, an old woman walked up, looked at Don and said, "You need to move. My son needs to hear this sermon badly." Basically, "Fuck you and your children sir. Move." Bitch. We tried, the girls were good and tried too. We left after the pastors' 10th story on how great he is (he actually *repeated* a story on how he saved his poor suicidal friend...no, not from a different sermon...from *this* sermon...twice...in 15 minutes...the same sermon), and he had only gotten to the "A" from his acrostic EASTER...we had been there for an hour and 20 minutes. Holy shitballs.

I will never.

Ever.

Go back there.

Again.

I have now dubbed them "St. Amway", because it is about numbers (this is you...these are two of your friends...these are two of their friends...Amway people will understand that one).

The rest of the day was good. Don's aunt made marinated lamb which was *the bomb* and my mac and cheese went like mad.

I am seriously thinking about going back to school. Maybe for web design. We'll see.

Found out at work that the bitch whore lazy ass parapros filed a grievance against us because they had to help out when we were down a whole lot of noon aides. They had to watch the kids for a whole 15 minutes...ONE time. We cannot control when the sub company refuses to send subs, even when we put in for them weeks in advance. So, I say fuck them. File a grievance. Fire me. Then where will you be? You will be down even *more* help, and I will be at home, relaxing. Assholes. One of my friends, a fellow noon aide, had to leave before the very last recess because her son was throwing up at school. Know what the parawhore said? "Stay. Your kid will be fine. Do your job." Have any idea what would happen if that bitch said *that* to *me*? Even wonder what WWIII would look like? You'd find out.

So, there you go. Happy days :).

Peace, Love and (don't make me go '24 on your ass parawhore!) Zombies \IiiI

3 comments:

Mejis said...

2.5 hour service??? Good grief, do they tell people to bring their sleeping bags? lol
I think being considered a zombie ups Jesus's cool factor. ;)

Penny said...

I wish they did lol. On their website they say only 1.5 hours, but I can tell you from experience it is way way longer lol.

I think it does too!! He is the OZ...Original Zombie!

Shelly said...

Jesus as Oz makes perfect sense `;~)

I love your for your beliefs, not in spite of them!

Sorry you had to endure that...