~~~Remember: I am a TEXAN, not a Michiganderite, and I am a HUGE Mexican food snob, so if you get offended by this post, get over it.~~
Today, Don took the two youngest to the Daddy/Daughter dance and had a wonderful time. Afterwards, they came home and picked me up to get some dinner. We went to....sigh...Casa Real. Oxford's version of "mexican" food.
Lord help me....
This is their description of themselves on their website:
We at Casa Real have proudly brought delectable, authentic, homemade cuisine from Mexico. We offer a generous menu with a wide variety of savory dishes, and a warm gracious service where every guest is made to feel welcome and at home. Once you experience the taste of true Mexican cuisine here at Casa Real, you'll find out what all our customers are raving about!
Okay, boys and girls, we are going to analyze the massive bullshit level of this advertisement. Ready?
We at Casa Real have proudly brought delectable, authentic, homemade cuisine from Mexico.
Bullshit alarm: Delectable?? Not by a longshot. Their beans taste like they have added a pound of sugar to them. The chile relleno I had tonight actually had a pool of water underneath it, the pork tamale had so much masa I could have made three more, the chicken enchilada and chimichanga were made with shredded chicken that was not seasoned at all and the water from the relleno kind of soaked them a bit too. Looked and tasted like shit. Authentic? Well, maybe for the retarded Michiganderites who have never even gone past the Michigan state line. Homemade? Shit, if I *ever* serve disgusting food like this I hope someone shoots me! Mexicans should be pissed off about this one!
We offer a generous menu with a wide variety of savory dishes, and a warm gracious service where every guest is made to feel welcome and at home.
Bullshit alarm: Savory dishes? If tasteless dogshit is savory to you, then you will love it. There is no spice, no heat, nothing Mexican about their food at all! Warm gracious service? Well, that isn't bullshit. They are very nice. Maybe they think that will make up for their rotten food.
Once you experience the taste of true Mexican cuisine here at Casa Real, you'll find out what all our customers are raving about!
Bullshit alarm high alert: Taste of true Mexican cuisine????? Taco Bell is more authentic than this place!!! Hell, Weight Watchers Enchiladas are more authentic and at least have flavor! Find out what the customers are raving about? They are *Michiganderites*. They have not a fucking clue what Mexican food it and I am relatively sure, have been born without tastebuds!!!!
Their only redeeming quality: their margaritas. They are good. Drink enough and their food starts to taste more like paper than paste.
Now, I know what you are thinking. Isn't your husband from Michigan? Weren't you children born in Michigan? Yes and yes, *but* Don got out for four years and moved to Texas with the military and, well, met me, and my girls are 50% Texan, meaning they have a chance in life.
Casa Real is run by Mexicans, but it is painfully obvious that they have had to seriously dumb, or Michigan, down their food. Even the green chile sauce tastes like water. They have a sign in their window, an award certificate, claiming them to be "The Best Mexican Restaurant In Oxford". Two reasons for this: first, they are the *only* Mexican (loosely used) restaurant in Oxford, and since their is no Taco Bell there was no competition, and two, it was probably voted for by Michiganderites that have never left the state (or only went as far as Ohio, and that sure as hell don't count).
I'll be fair: if a Polish person went to El Paso for authentic Polish food, they'd be disappointed. We don't have much of a Polish population in El Paso, so we would have to dumb, or El Paso down, that food. Get the idea?
In the end, avoid this fucking place like the plague. You want delectable, savory, authentic, homemade Mexican food, come to my house.
Peace, Love and (i'm more mexican than that food!) Zombies \IiiI