The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Monday, March 15, 2010

dear so and so

Dear Sue Happy Cow,

I understand wanting people to wear *less* perfume and yes, I get allergies, but to sue, and win $100K, because of someone's shampoo scent, is absolutely assinine. Now, the city of Detroit, which already stinks up to high heaven, is putting in a place a *ban* on anything with scent, like lotions, perfumes, body washes and, my favorite, deodorant. Can't wait to see who sues next due to the fact that they have vomited all over someone because of their horrible body odor, since they won't be able to wear deodorant anymore. Choke on your money you selfish and smelly assed bruja.

Defiant and sweet smelling til the end
Dear Detroit Public School District,

You suck and I am sooooo glad I don't have any child that attends your shitty schools, or should I say *school*, since I don't think you have but one that you haven't shut down.

Mom with children who read and have books in class...oh, and a school to attend...
Dear Oldest Offspring,

I am so very proud of you and the hard work you do every day. You are excelling in school, you have signed up for AP classes for high school, you are beautiful, talented, and an all-around awesome kid. I love you, even if your 14 year-old hormones make me want to run you over with the car sometimes :).

Your loving and appreciative mom


Pamela said...

I'm changing "Oldest Offspring" to "Only Offspring" and the age from 14 to 16 but the rest of the letter is spot on! Where are my car keys?

Debbie said...

Love the letter to the Sue-Mistress. There is a woman at work that will react as if you just sprayed her in the face with poison if you wear scented lotion or perfume. But I have been to her home and the smell of cats and kitty litter is unbelievable! It knocks you out as soon as the door opens...and my lotion or perfume bothers her nose??

I feel for you....the hormones are just kicking in at 14! I sometimes look at my soon to be 16 year old and wonder how she went from the sweetest kid ever to a harpy from hell ~ in a matter of minutes! :)

AllyJo said...

This is so 1984....does it ever stop???????????? What will be next? They are going to put us in uniforms....just like in the movies or North Korea or something.

Throwing up all over everyone makes me think of that scene from Stand By Me. LOL

Anonymous said...

People will sue over the dumbest things. I can't believe she got that much money!! That's seriously fooked up. Detroit stinks enough already. I feel bad for you.

Diosa Del Desierto Corazon said...

Pamela@ remember control...oh, and a place to hide the body :).

Debbie@ it is ironic. Perhaps she just doesn't want to be remind that she smells bad lol. "Harpy from Hell"...I LOVE it lol!!!

Mikey@ just wait. Someone will be offend by the color pink and then a lawsuit will be in order. It'll happen. That scene...meh lol.

Mejis@ Detroit does stink. Hence the reason I am thankful that I live 50 miles away from that place!

LivingDeadNurse said...

someone take the car

really a ban on smelly stuff? good grief...the things people bitch about