The stuff that little Texan zombie goddesses are made of, living where the brains are served warm and the sarcasm is served raw.

The Adventures Of Zuzu Zombie, Undead Detective

Friday, January 22, 2021

Where it begins...

 


**TRIGGER WARNING:  blog contains discussions of Schizophrenia and Suicidal Ideation**

Yeah, I know no one is reading this, and I get it.  Youtube and vlogs have taken over the world, but this is my therapy.

It started when she was in high school, just a mere three days after her 15th birthday.  She smiled, friends came over...she laughed, she ate cake and had a good time.  Underneath, there was depression...there was sadness.  Normal for a kid, right?  We had no idea how deep Alice's rabbit hole would go...

We were sitting at home, her father and I, working (when I had a job...), doing what we do everyday.  It was 5 November, just a normal day.  As I did what I do on my computer and he did what he does, I received a call from the school.  My baby girl, my 15 year old daughter, had been taken to the office.

A fight?  No.

Disrespect? No.

She had taken an overdose of medication in an attempt....

...to end her life.

We flew out the door and to the school.  Before my husband even stopped the truck, I was running out of the door and towards the front doors of the school, held open by EMS and policemen.  I found her in the counselors' office, crying and sweating, with a blood pressure cuff and oxygen mask on.

"I'm sorry Momma..." was all she could say.

My heart broke.  She was hurting, and I did not know how deep it went.

It has always been my mantra, "Those who talk about it don't...those who don't talk about it, do".  It was right in front of my face.

I comforted her the best I could.  Don't cry.  We love you.  We are here for you.  We will help you.  We love you.

The counselor was surprised at our reaction.  She told me later that normally the reaction she got was one of hatred and anger towards the child.  I lived it my whole life...I just wanted her to know we were here for her forever.

To the hospital for observation, then to the mental hospital in the area (which I will never EVER recommend to anyone.  This place is the horror movie location everyone has ever seen on TV.)  We just wanted her to be better.  

We had no idea the path we were about to embark on.

People tell me, because I am almost 50, that I should just 'get over it', 'deal with it', 'grow up'.  You are stupid.  You are evil.  Until you live it, you have no clue.  This is not a sitcom...this is not a documentary created by a person who has never been hurt and wounded...this is LIFE.  This is PAIN.  This is MENTAL ILLNESS.  And it is REAL.

The different diagnosis'.  The multiple different meds.  The "psychologists" that are just going on a chapter in a book.  This is not a thesis in your classroom...this is a human being.  The journey has barely begun...

This is just skimming the tip of the iceberg.  There is so much more to come.

Yeah, again, I know, no one will ever read this.  No one will care.  But I want to let someone, anyone, know they are not alone.  I am here.  I am living it: as a child, as a young adult, as a parent.  There is an answer, and we will find it together.

As I type this, she is still in bed.  More to explain, I'm sure.  Life is hard...marriage is suffering...family is confused and torn...

...I still have hope.

I won't lose hope. It's all I have left.

As a massive insomniac, for fun I a movie recommendation:

Circus Kane on Amazon Prime.  Way better than I expected it to be.  8 zombie moans out of 10.  So bad it is good.  Check it out.

Have a good weekend, my pretty corpses.

Until next time, this is your Queen Texan Zombie Goddess, wishing you health and contentment in this crazy world.




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Tuesday, January 12, 2021

It's Been A Bit...


 ...but here I am, once again.  7 years later.  Good Goddess time has (not) flown.

So, you may be asking, "Hey, Queen Texan Zombie Goddess, what have ya been up to?"  Well, in semi-choronological order:

- Got a job

- Started working for a one of the Big 3 Auto companies

- Graduated with my Bachelor's degree

- Was in a car accident and ended up having a Cervical Spinal Fusion

- Graduated all three of my daughters

- Had one daughter move to Ohio (yeah, I know...haha)

- Husband took me to Germany (memory lane!!!)

- Had one daughter diagnosed with Schizophrenia (going to break that down in future blogs)

- **Lots of the normal life stuff in between**

AND

The big one...

Lost my f'ing job due to this 'rona crap.

That's right folks: almost 10 years of dedication and devotion, and I was booted.  Now, I am not the victim type, but what happened was complete and utter horseshit.  I am pissed.  I was betrayed by those I supported in every way, shape and form.  I was low lying fruit and they cut my branch clean off.  Suffice it to say that I am having to find a new job and at my old fraking age, it ain't easy.  I'll figure it out, but starting all over *sucks*.   

2020 was a nightmare.  Hot garbage juice on steroids.  2021 is not looking too much brighter at this moment, but I'm cautiously optimistic, or at least trying to be.  Guess we will see where it goes from here.

I suppose that is all for the moment.  I am going to be back to doing this just to maintain some kind of sanity in my life.  Hell, I don't even know if anyone still blogs anymore.  If anyone actually reads blogs anymore.  I suppose I am hoping that by pouring my broken brain out on here that maybe I can find the answers that have been eluding me for so long.  Maybe take someone else on a little journey of insanity and logic.  A journey of discovery and change.  A journey in sugar and cyanide if you will.

Until next time, this is your Queen Texan Zombie Goddess and I know somehow, someway, we will get through it all together.  We may be drooling and banging out heads against the wall when all is said and done, but we will get through it.

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Saturday, November 2, 2013

Thought I'd check in....

Hey y'all...

First of all, HAPPY DIA DE LOS MUERTOS!!!!!



I know it's been like a million years...okay...almost 7 months...since I've been here, but I have good reason.

I've been going CRAZY with the new job and all lol

I get up at 3 a.m., get in to work at 530 a.m. and get home around 3 p.m.

Sound like a reason to not be on the computer much anymore??

It has been good.  I love my job (most of the time), and I have made quite a few friends which is a good thing.  The bad part is losing touch with all my cyberfriends, assuming that anyone out there even remembers me.

Let me remind you who I was: pissed off, tired, fed up, bitchy, always complaining.

Now I am: just bitchy :).

My obsession is Walking Dead and Daryl Dixon.  I hate people who don't use a turn signal.  I want a vacation, but don't we all?


I have a daughter who is graduating next year and has been accepted into a college already.  Totally not ready for that one.  I'm wanting to start school to get a degree (found out I don't have one...that is a later conversation), but have no clue how to add that to working 10 hours, taking care of my kids, home, husband and myself (pfft, who am I kidding...I never take care of myself).

Anyhoo, here is hoping that people out there are doing well.

I am still alive...basically....


Hehee.

Peace, Love and (i need a drink) Zombies
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Sunday, April 14, 2013

slow down...i wanna get off this ride

For the past 12 years, I had been an at-home mom.  Interpreting gigs here and there...a stint in the homeschooling world...time as a noon aide.

Easy peazy.

Then...BOOM!  I became a Material Handler for Menlo Worldwide Logistics (via Select Staffing, aka Shithead Staffing).

I put in my resume directly with Menlo to become a real live Menlo card-carrying employee.  It looked really good.

2 weeks ago, my hubs told me that his friends at GM (well, my friends too) asked for him to send in my resume immediately for a possible contract position for GM.

I said, "Um, okay.  Can't wait...another interview."  Yes, I was excited.

Not.

Wednesday around noon my hubs texted me at work, telling me that he heard I would be called for an interview sometime later in the day.

Again, total excitement.

*groan*

At 2 p.m., I did received a phone call, but not for an interview.

But...

to tell me...

they wanted to hire me...

 on the spot...

off  my resume.

Holy. Shitballs.

So, as of 11 April, 2013, I became a Material Analyst/Forecaster for General Motors via Aerotek.  Big pay increase, holidays, paid vacation, etc. etc.

The only thing I hope for now is to find out exactly what in the world I will be doing.

I am really really going to miss my co-workers at Menlo. They are some of the most amazing people I have ever worked with, and I can only hope that my new co-workers will be at least 50% as cool as the ones I have now.

So, I feel like this:


I need this ride to slow the hell down.

Just for a moment.

Please?

Peace, Love and (just call me Weezy, cuz I is moving up!) Zombies \IiiI


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Saturday, March 30, 2013

hope y'all didn't forget about me

Little Queen Texan Zombie Goddess is sad because she is afraid y'all will forget about her.

She is still out here.

Being sarcastic.

Being sweet.

Just being a super busy Little Ultimate Queen Texan Zombie Goddess, working her disintegrating ass off for the man.

A few things going on in her life:

1) She may get hired into Menlo and won't have to be a contract slave anymore.  Contract houses SUCK.  Flipping off contract house zombie.

2)  She just got Depeche Mode's "Delta Machine" and Dave Gahan's solo group SoulSavers "The Light The Dead See".  Happy rocking zombie.

3)  She hasn't hung out with any of her friends in so long, she isn't sure she has any.  Sad mopey zombie.

4)  On 22 August, DM will be in concert at Pine Knob (okay...DTE...whatever).  Freaking the hell out peeing herself in lusty joy zombie.

I suppose that is it for this little zombie.  

Remember, she is still here.

Decaying away.

Eating brains.

Drinking wine.

Lots of wine.

Lots...

of wine.


Peace, Love and (simple minds say it best with fist pumping judd nelson) Zombies \IiiI
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Saturday, January 12, 2013

oxford: the place when restaurants come to die

You will never see Triple D coming to our town that is for sure.

Wow.

The other night, the hubs and I finally had a chance to go out for dinner.  We decided to go to a new place that just opened up here in the Land of Bars and ERs called "Montana's Rib and Chophouse".

Yeah.

Now, Oxford isn't known for having any decent places to eat.  At all.  No way no how.  Seeing something new made up at least sit up and take notice.  So, we felt we'd take our chances.

Um...

Well...

It was...okay, kinda, I guess.

Here is a foodie review from someone who actually has taste unlike 99% of those living in Oxford, aka, moi hehee:

The food: a bit on the dull side tastewise.  The portions were very much on the small side, but, on the positive, the garlic mushrooms were amazing.

The prices:  Holy shitballs.  Most definitely, completely, ridiculously overpriced for the amount of food you get. For the hubs and I it came out to $70.  $28 for a filet steak that was barely half the size you would get at Longhorn's.

The service:  The waitstaff were friendly, although really on the slow side.  We had to sit at the bar to eat dinner since the wait was over an hour to get a table.  The place was incredibly loud and horribly crowded.

The locals: we had an interesting run-in with a barfly who actually took a sip of my margarita.  No, really...he took a straw and tasted my margarita.  You don't mess with my fucking margarita lol.

 All in all, it was a very disappointing evening.  We will not be going back there anytime soon.

Grade for Montana's Rib and Chophouse: D+

 Other than that, I've just been working.  A lot. And enjoying it :).  Yeah me lol.

Now time to go watch all 400 of my DVR'd programs!

Peace, Love and (at least the margarita was good...) Zombies \IiiI
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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

using facebook ~or~ pyscho bitches attack

I use Facebook.  Lots of people use Facebook.  You can use Facebook to play games, post photos, find similarities in people, and, on occasion, be able to find someone who have been looking for in the oddest of places.

Or, the case, the fucking insane-ist of places.

No, not place.  Insane-ist of bitches.

And man was that a HUGE mistake.

Here, read this.  Maybe you will understand.  The names have been removed to protect me from the psychopath.

It all started with a picture a friend posted, know here as (Mutual Friend).  The crazy psycho bitch person I was talking to is K.  You will see where the shit hit the fan.  The empty spaces are other portions of the convo not needed.



Notice a few things.  First, it was me pissing her off.  Then it was her saying it was her pissing herself off, not me pissing her off.  Then is was her again getting paranoid about me using Facebook for what it was intended for.  And her spelling is atrocious. Wow.  All sorts of fuckedness here.

This is what I picture her looking like during this conversation:



I will never ever ever ask anyone if they know anyone else ever again.

Maybe.

Peace, Love and (get back on the meds freak!) Zombies \IiiI

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